Why hello, end of 2010.

I really should use a much doomier voice than that.  Anywho.

Ok, so with what little brain energy I have left, I will attempt to cover the past year as it has happened because let's face it.  It was yet another big life bending mind altering year.  Holy bajeebus.

Last winter was a little chaotic.  Noah and I were moving from NW into NE with our friend Tim, Noah had JUST gotten a job at Quizno's, and I was recently jobless (again).

I had also just recently (last Fall/Winter) protested Toast & Pho for royally fucking over myself and a few other employees, earning a lovely article in The Mercury and a little bit of spotlight with KBOO radio.  PRWA (Portland Restaurant Workers Association) was a peach about the whole thing, and I would like to thank a certain guy by the name of Ryan Wisnor for helping me and a few other employees understand just what exactly was going wrong.  But I would have never met those guys had it not been for David John, a supremely stand up guy who fought for his rights and wasn't afraid to clutch onto them with an iron fist.

Moving day was stressful to say the least and literally took all, fucking, day.  Not to mention we were moving out of a really old moldy apartment (3D green scuz and everything!) up and down three flights of stairs WITHOUT an elevator.  But luckily for the most part we tetris'd the hell out of the moving truck so  there wasn't really another trip that had to be made save for coming back and bleach bombing the place to land-lord corporate satisfaction.

New house!  New beginnings!  New jobs.

I had gotten myself two jobs last spring and was balancing that while going to school full time.  Needless to say I was constantly burnt out, and was a raging unpleasant bitch of a woman to almost everyone around me. It was a dark and scary place, but something that had to be done.  I've never been worked so hard without a break before.  Good.  Knight.

Summer was pretty keen as school had ended and I could just focus on work.  So I was essentially working every day with half day offs and finally whittled it down to ONE job just this past Fall so that I could sanely finish school and the rest of my tom foolery in peace.

All was not well come October (it's just a creepy month for me, I swear) when my boss from Nicholas Restaurant called me up and took me off the schedule because "October is a slow month and there's really no reason to have so many people."  Aka, laid off.  Great.

Thus began another slough of job applications, and I'd lost count of the floods and floods of emails and paperwork I'd filled out just to find anyone who would take me and pay me.  My standards were hitting a dangerously low point, but on the plus side I kept getting interviews up the wazoo.  So I was hopeful.

In the meanwhile I would drift from kicking ass and taking names at school to screaming in academic mental emotional agony over why the hell I was being made to do any of this crap and dear God dear God when does it end.  Miraculously I got away with two A's and a B, bumping up my GPA.

And work?  Sweet savory Moses that business rolled in like a boss and gave me a job at See's for several weeks, and then I scored a job as a nanny for six kids (though really I'm responsible for three).  NOW, I've just recently landed a job as a receptionist at a massage spa and wellness center and will begin training for being a substitute teacher at one of the daycares my nanny boss runs.  Three jobs!  Three!  They're all baby jobs, sure, but someone decided to cut me a break for once.  It pays a bit to be a jack of all trades and master of none sometimes.  And in this case...I rolled lucky sevens ten ways till Sunday.

Back to school.  PSU was lovely enough to tell me there was a hold on my account to prevent me from registering for Winter term.  When I went to go investigate the matter, I discovered that my FAFSA had run out for me as a dependent, and I wouldn't get any more money until I became an independent.

After much hair pulling and collapsing into a ball of misery, I worked out a deal with my folks to co-sign a baby loan to get my butt back in school.  Sallie Mae took forever and required me to sign away my soul five times over to be SURE I wanted this loan and to BE SURE that this is the magic that's gonna happen for me.

Result?  Not going back to Winter Term.  It wouldn't be worth the stress because it's so late in the registration game.   And yes I could pull out my last trick and hover like a vulture in the classes I want to take but yet at the same time...I'm gonna look at this as a blessing in disguise.  I'd been talking about taking a break from school for a while.  Not to the extent of a year or two off, but to just SLOW, DOWN.  I'd like to not hate the universe and burn out on a regular basis.

Spring Term?  Oh yea you'll be seeing me soon.  Soooooon.....

Somewhere in there I made it to my two year anniversary with Noah which is my LONGEST relationship ever, and I've been tickled pink over the whole ordeal.  We've been through one HELL of a journey together, and I don't think we're gonna quit for a while.

Moved into a new house, and the energy couldn't be any more savory sweet if it tried.  My insides are happy.

So the new year starts off with an opportunity to collect my feet back under me and continue moving forward.  With the rate at which my undergrad completion is going, I figure it'll probably be best to apply to grad school straight away.  East coast is my dream land but unless there's a hefty grant or scholarship waiting for me in several years I'll be at Marylhurst (still a damn fine school) finishing my MFA in Art Therapy.

Did I mention at some point that I wanted to be a certified ASL interpreter?  That's kinda still in the cards for me.  I don't see why not, honestly.

Will I be buried in loans forever?  Probably.  But to just let life punch me in the face and me put up with sitting there like a whiny bitch moaning over how I'll never get anything done isn't an option.  I'm going through what a lot of people are going through, but I still plan to come out on top.

Is 2011 gonna be my year?  Well, if not by nature then I'll just bend it that way.  I will not drown, I will not back off.  I'm gonna strap on my helmet and give this year an ever loving beat down.

Speaking of helmets...skating gear should go with that because I'd also like to join Roller Derby.

Bad ass for life?  I think I am. :)

cyclical thoughts again.

Some days you just wish that your brain wasn't runnin so hot that it couldn't cool off enough for standby and a decent night's worth of sleep.

There are good and bad things happening.  Or good, bad, and weird.  I should really watch that Korean movie.

Anyway, so I'm pretty sure I"ll be taking on a nannying gig where I get to work with 6 kids.  Yep, you heard me.  I'm gonna be acting as another set of hands for parents whose hearts are so big that it could smother this whole city in sappy, sappy love.

It feels really good.  But it feels so good that I'm scared of it, and because I'm scared of it I kind of wanna just fade away.  I want to fade away from landing a new job, I want to fade away from the stupid promise rainbow finally showing its dirty face in my cloudy skies, I want to just fucking disappear because it's not so much the ridiculous drama that has gone down that's buggin' me but it's the fucking.  Stupid.  Good stuff.

Which makes me feel weird because when good things happen part of me just wants to push it away and say "I don't want it." No good rhyme or reason I just want to shut myself away and pretend it never happened.  I'm not sure why I'm so hell bent on making sure I keep myself from finding out what my talents are when I'm always badgering the universe for some kind of answer because I'm tired of feeling like all I do is try and nothing comes out of it.  That all I want to do is just mind my own business, work, come home and call it a day.

But I can never just call it a day because if I do that then I outright admitted that I just want to roll over and die.  If I didn't go out and look for a job, that was 20 opportunities I missed with a potential 2 out of the lot of them who'd call me back.  I drag my feet on final projects and I've lost another day to somehow earn myself a good grade in this damn class.  Another day goes by without me makin a dime and that's one step closer to not having anything in my pockets and feeling even worse because I'm not working and when I'm not working I don't feel like I'm contributing and when I'm not contributing and sitting there while other people get to build their lives or work on through and I get to just watch them...nothing makes me angrier, than that.

I don't watch, I do.  Not sure what I'm built for but it sure as hell ain't sittin on my ass letting a day pass me by that I'm not grabbing by the shirt collar and shakin till all the teeth fall out.  And this is where I feel so conflicted inside.  I am wanting, and yearning, and needing, and searching for a hold to wrap my fingers around or a ledge to step on and push myself up from.  And when I make it to the top I want to jump right back off that cliff and live in the contentment of free falling till I hit rocks and break ribs and thump my body all the way to the bottom.  And I'll want to lie face down in the dirt crying and bleeding and just letting my body fail on me.

But then I want to live.  And then I don't.  But then I do.  And then I'm just not sure.

I want to feel good about all the forward motion going on and I want to bask in the rays and feel confident again.  I question myself too much because there is always a rug being pulled out from under me and I wonder if I'm simply just not good enough to do the work.  Part of me has faith that I can do it but most of me is still smarting from all the times I miss with a swing and get knocked with a hook.  Or a knee to the gut.

But I'm not the only one having a little bit of a difficult time of things.  I'm not the only  one fighting tooth and nail to stay in (and finish) school, I'm not the only one who was looking for work, I am not the only one to feel like a failure when I can't keep a job, I'm not the only one to feel like my ego was bashed in because now living on my own is taking its toll and I'm not sure what cards I have left up my sleeve to give me a boost.  I'm not the only one who feels frustrated that I can't just have a nice clean smooth streak in my life.  Good job, A's in school, drinks with friends, perfect love life, a fancy wardrobe might not hurt any...

But to lead such a charmed life would take away any character I'd built up over the years proving that I'm not a putz and have a good head on my shoulders.  I'm capable, I know it, and I know I can be good at it.  Whatever "it" is.  I'm smart and I know it even if I challenge that notion with my roommates everyday with how often I forget things and just plain don't pay attention.

Good.  I finally ran out of steam.  Good night.

Hello....November. *glare*

No longer funemployed!  Huzzah!

I'm working seasonal at See's Candy, and will be bouncing back and forth between Pioneer Place and the Lloyd location.  They're letting me shadow folks early because all the paperwork's been done.  Yay!  And another good thing is that since I've been hired by them, I have a consistent part time job until..well, until I have a job that doesn't require me to need See's anymore.  Which may or may not happen, we'll see. :)  It's strictly seasonal, as far as I can tell, so here's to hoping that someone loves me enough to get the ball rolling.  Time to memorize 100+ different candies and then sample/sell them to you!  Ha.

Currently waiting on a potential Prep Cook position with this daycare learning center, and it basically gives me total autonomy over the kitchen to set the menu, do the ordering from CSAs and local produce folks so that I can feed little ones family style.  It's a pretty big to do, and for some reason I can't stop talking about it.  Maybe because of the good pay and that after 90 days I get a potential raise and benefits kick in.  Could I have this job?  Please?

On another plus side if I DON'T get this job then I have the chance to be a nanny for the boss of the learning center's kids.  Either way it's a win win situation.  But the benefits would be nice.  I've also got two other nanny families that may work out, and therefore...the lineup of work that's coming my way is a little shocking and kind of humbling.  Or really humbling.  Never thought I could have such a solid string of interviews, what with how the Oregon unemployment rate is going.

I'm moving too, in case you didn't know.  But only 20 blocks away from where I'm living now.  Which is pretty neat, and the duplex unit me and the boys are moving into is pretty fantastic.  Three levels, our own private basement....*happy sigh* it's enough to warm the cockles of my tiny, tiny heart. ;)  One bathroom, a shallow  sink (seriously, Portland, can you NOT have a fucking shallow sink in any of your rental units?!?) again, and the paint job is pretty cute, too.  Feels like I'm living inside a mint green easter egg.  It's the love that counts.

My art has become non-existent, much as I want it to not be so.  And I'm not going to count the schoolwork and final projects that I've neglected for the past several weeks.  Really pulling my weight here. :P

Friends are coming and going in this town, and tonight's a going away party for the lovely Brittany.  I'm sure she'll be back soon, but for now she'll spend her winter in Puerto Rico working for her aunt's restaurant and staying away from the icky cold.  I'm both jealous and yet at the same time content with where I'm at right now.

I should start making some goals pretty soon.  The usuals of course pertain to exercise, boosting my artwork, annnnd.....something something something.  With all the videogames that are played in the house I'll probably try to stick to one and finish it.  There are quite a few unfinished files in several games.  And it comes from just getting distracted, needing to take a break and forgetting to come back to it...and so on.

Currently what's on the brain is getting enough money to cover the move in fees, pay off some school debts, find a consistent job, moving, annnd....well, you get the idea.  It's taking up a lot of my head space.  Not much time for funsies.  Catch you on the flip side.

Hi. Come here often?

Save your dirty double entendres.  ;)

So.  Recently funemployed.  Interview in 14 hours with Williams and Sonoma.  A large corporate company.  Most folks (i.e. 95% of the youth in this lovely political hotbed gay lovin' fag-tastic small town of a city) would balk at working for anything corporate.  But I'm sick of small time businesses.  Or rather, sick of working for people who go power hungry out of no where.  Like a random brain cable snapped and all of a sudden they're all out for blood and you're fucked no matter which way you look at it.

I'm also sick of being lied to.  Tired of hearing bosses tell me one thing and then go do something else entirely different.  And bosses, if you're too stupid to figure out that most of your employees are more often than not snarky internet savvy geekzoids then you are really shooting yourselves in the foot thinking we won't find out how you decided to screw us over.  I'm tired of short job runs, tired of freaking out about money, tired of fighting to stand up, tired of holding myself in so tight that I subconsciously set myself up for panic attacks if I have just enough alcohol in me to lower ALL my defenses, tired of being scared of losing my job because all I do is let myself settle for the shitty ones....I'm sick of it.  God damn fucking sick of it.

And then I'm fighting the battles of watching my friends graduate before me, find things that launch them forward financially, finding things that have shaped their lives so that they are serving their passions at MY age...and I'm still in school under the guise that I'll have accomplished something extraordinary with my fancy piece of paper in 2 - 3 years.  I'm fighting myself over and over and over, and it seems like all I'm doing is telling myself that this is the thing that will make it better, this is where I'll finally stop feeling like I'm incapable, that THIS, all of this, will add up and be worth ten times more than I ever amounted to in grade school, high school, and Lord help me the first several years of college.

Where I just didn't know what was going to happen.

But on the flip side to all of that...there are positives to my seemingly mundane and generally ordinary life up to now.  A lot of the time as a kid I felt like I had to be my own rock because I wasn't good at making friends, but I was good at making up stories in my head, on paper, and being a good family member.  High school is a fuzzy memory but what I remember was first discovering I was gay.

And then I came out.  Not once, not twice, but three times.

First as  bi, then lesbian, and then queer.  I met Noah and experienced for the first time my relationship with a transgendered man from start to...now.  It is an ever blossoming and burgeoning process and not only with re-assessing my personal identity but learning new things about him every day.  And I couldn't be more lucky to have such a beautiful man in my life.

I have never butted heads with my family so hard before in my life to keep him near me because while he may not have been family per se to them, he is family to me.  And if you're family, you aren't going anywhere.  Period.  But through standing up for my beliefs and never once thinking that stopping was an option, has earned me respect from family members I would have never expected to earn it from.  It's not something that's given away so easily.

Jobs were in flux for almost 2 years, but I survived each crisis and had an amazing group of friends and family to cheer me on the whole way through.  I'm becoming more and more grateful for my mother the older I get, and there isn't a day where I'm not reveling in awe over our ridiculous relationship and her endless, endless love and support.  Seriously, there is no bottom.  I can't find it.  Not that I should have been looking, but you get the idea.

This is a cycle I visit often inside my mind.  The anger, upset and freak out over what I believe to be lacking, am failing at, or not good enough for.  But after I've let my mind run through all the negatives, it cycles back around to the positives, and realizing that I've personally come a long way as a person.  If I wasn't challenged as much as I have been, I probably wouldn't be the person I am now.  

So...just cycling.  Like you do.  When it feels like the world's about to cave in on my head.  And then I get to go to bed and lie next to the best human in my life.  And wake up to feel like I can conquer the day.  You can't get places without a few scrapes and bruises now and again.  Because then you don't get to flex your cool scars to the cute girl at the end of the bar.  And cool points are everything.

I am so smart! S-M-R-T!

So as I was plodding through my day I came upon an interesting conversation with a friend of mine.  Granted I wasn't looking to create any kind of great debate, and my thoughts on the matter were genuine and true.  To give context, we were talking about school and plans for her going back.

I agree with the fact that debt isn't something one looks forward to while doing the school thing because the more you acquire the longer it takes to pay off the debt.  Or at least that's the usual run of it.  I'll be upfront and say I'm a little more than 20K in the hole right now, and I'm not even done with my God-damn BFA degree.  Why?  Because it took me so long to figure out this was what I wanted.  But anywho.

 School.  Costs money.  Period.  Whether you are the shining golden boy, girl, person, or  gimp donkey with a genius IQ, you're going to watch your bank account wither and die under the duress of trying to carry the weight of respected academia on your shoulders. 

There are alternatives, however, to making this load a little better to bear.  You could be a good ol' boy and join the military, turn into Safari Master of the Universe  and hunt down the wily scholarships and grants that would pay for some or all of your education, or find a government job after surviving the hell of attaining your Bachelor's and after several years of being their bitch-monkey you have your loans forgiven.  (inhale)

We live in a great country where in order to be somebody, you need to be buried 6 feet under in debt to show what a great contributor to humanity you are by willing to give of your heart by the sweat of your brow.  

It's this kind of nauseating rat maze without an exit hole that makes me envious of those who took their Creator given craft and made a living for themselves through self teaching, the balls to live life by the seat of their pants, and my favorite: dumb luck.  

School isn't the answer, but for one reason or another I have made it mine.  There's always a little voice in the back of my head asking what the hell I'm doing here because I'm constantly feeling like I'm not contributing to much of anything.  Although recently I've found a new love with animation and I'm hoping that my labor of love for this new interest blooms into something I can be proud to call my own.  

We shall see, sweet Universe.  We shall see.

Eye candy glommy goodness

So, with the start of the new term, come new sights and sounds for the mushier minded folk such as I. Left to the wastelands of summertime where all I could think about were blood orange mason jars, comics, video games, and naked hot tubbing.

And now?

Well, it's more or less the same, but with a few new tricks up my sleeve. Through endless wandering in the vastness of intergalactic planetary interwebby goodness I have stumbled upon some media that I personally find to be of interest. I've somehow managed to find a few animation shorts in their entirety (at least I hope so) through YouTube.

The first of which is Oscar Winner 2005's "The Mysterious Explorations of Jasper Morello" , an Australian short created by Anthony Lucas.

It is set in the world of Gothia, a noir steampunk world in which the protagonist Jasper Morello is sent on a mission by the government to set up mobile weather beacons while leaving his wife back in the city where a plague is decimating its population. *inhale* And that's where it starts. I'm a fan for the aesthetics, but maybe I was too distracted because the plot felt a little sleepy for what it was about. I'd be willing to give it another go. Anyway, here it is:

Following that I came across a short I'd seen on good ol' Netflix, called Harvie Krumpet. This was also an Australian short, won an Academy Award for Animated Short Film in 2003, and, interestingly enough, also found in full length on YouTube. Who knew? Directed by Adam Elliot, the story is about sweet old Harvek Milos Krumpetzki, who moves to Australia from Poland during the outbreak of WWII and proceeds to suffer one disaster after the next throughout his time spent on this earth. Yet despite the maximum ridiculosity that permeates throughout Harvey Krumpet's life, he maintains a wonderfully optimistic outlook. Ingenious, and enviable. It's really sad in some parts, and downright hilarious in others. The values are simple and straightforward, with Geoffery Rush as the narrator. What more could you ask for?

And, last but not least, the cutest short I've seen so far. Gotta love me some little blue aliens:

I'm better than a shitty bowl of soup

Had another lunch with my dad today. It's probably the 3rd or 4th one where we haven't fought. Again. Whoa...wait...what?

Well, I suppose you could say there was an "almost" skirmish. He made a passive aggressive comment about how my sister is a little more extroverted than my brother or I was in high school, and how she's joined the speech and debate team. Also, how she is more proactive about asking for help instead of letting things stew and just sit there.

He pointed out how I could have worked harder on my grades, and could have done more in high school and gotten a scholarship, but I didn't. And if I was so indecisive about what I wanted to do with my life when I got into college that going to a community college would have been better instead of going to a state university and wasting money.

I simply dismissed him by calling him out on his passive aggressive behavior and saying that I'm the one who's gonna be paying it off anyway, so why should he care.

And...well...here are my thoughts on the matter:

Could I have gotten better grades? Oh yes, absolutely. If I had truly tried, I probably could have been a straight A student. I probably could have gotten myself oodles of scholarships if I worked harder in the community service club at my high school, if I was more active in sports, if I had stumbled upon some life-changing make a world difference project and smiled into the camera showing my optimism for a better change for the world and believing I could do some honest bit of good.

Yes...I could have been your picture perfect pearly white smiling hopeful, sitting so proper in my school desk working on basic req papers and projects that would have absolutely nothing to do with what I wound up doing with my life later on once I figured out what I was meant for on this teeny hapless rock. I could have found a nice boy, I could have gotten my masters, settled, nurtured my crotch fruit to its full potential and repeated the cycle. I could live the Stepford wife life, minus the housewife idiosyncrasy.

Or:

I could choose the path where I smoked, fucked, and wandered my way to where I am now. Which involved a lot of cigarettes, weed, peoples' naughty bits, and putting my hand out to say "Hi. Nice to meet you." I did a lot of that, in one form or another. I did it when I changed my major 4 times, I did it when I met the people who I would come to call my best and closest friends, I did it when I found myself at an emotional/mental/financial rock bottom and pulled myself up by my bootstraps and continued trudging forward.

I decided to not take the easy way out and see what exactly it was I could accomplish on my own. Did that mean mommy and daddy abandoned me completely? No, I still got some help from them, and I am/will be forever grateful for that. And I plan to pay it back to them when I am in a place of career finality to do it. Or...y'know, when my paychecks are bigger and I can give them stuff back in general.

If I had gone to community college first, I would have met a whole slough of different people. I would have had different friends, different inspirations, different life experiences. Would I have become stronger through all that? Would I have come out publicly sooner? Would I have found my path to becoming an art therapist? What would have happened?

The answer to that is an enigma. I know this. But I feel the need to fiercely defend what I've chosen to do with myself, nonetheless. Because according to my dad, the message I'm getting from him is that what I'm doing is "good enough". And not "good enough" in the way where you're crawling from the wreckage on your hands and knees after surviving a war-zone heart of gold kind of "good enough". I'm talking "good enough" because I wasn't doing anything better, so this is fine. Kind of like settling for the shitty bowl of soup in a restaurant that's alright because you figure everything else tastes terrible, so what's the point in trying to find a different restaurant that could be better? Or, heaven forbid, make the soup at home yourself?

I came from an easy upbringing. Not wealthy, per se. But easy. And I could have kept it easy, I could have just coasted on by. But I decided to take control and make my own decisions.

So...yea. I'm gonna be buried six feet under the debt I'll be owing when school's out for good. No, I'm not on any kind of scholarship. Yet. But am I still just "good enough"? I'd like to think I'm pretty damn amazing. I just want to believe it 100% of the time, and not just 60%.

Tats

Hello, my name is Teresa, and I have an addiction to my tattoo artist, Drat.

So this is the man who has stolen my heart and I'm pretty sure will have possession over my entire body. Ink wise because he's, y'know, getting married and stuff. I've finally seen his updated portfolio and this man now OFFICIALLY owns my heart completely. It's hidden in the corner of his tattoo toolbox because I secretly put it there.

And in case you guys are feeling amiss with how smitten I am by this gent, just read his blog. Or look at his portfolio.

Here are some samples of his work:

This is mine. This is the 7th and most recent session that was accomplished thus far. The photo was taken after the scales were freshly inked. And did I mention he was inking each and every scale....individually? Because if I didn't, I just did now. Oh God. Ow.

This was how I fell in love with him:

This last one with the jellyfish was what helped me decide he was the one for me. And of course not two minutes later he walks in the door. That was 3 years ago.

I'm gonna be promoting and publicizing what I'd like my Christmas present to be from those who are trying to come up with something for me. I'm pretty straightforward. Anything helps, And at the very least I can slowly put things away for myself as well.

Excitement abounds, and I am the intrepid explorer to make such shenanigans a reality. I am the Hobbes to my Calvin, the crew to my Captain Mal Reynolds, the Ren to my Stimpy, the Grr to my Zim. And if it means waiting in the rain next to Totoro waiting for a crazy cat-bus then by golly I'll do it sitting in my upside down umbrella on the ground straining my little eyeballs far into the night.

Another blog? Geesh.

So, like most folks, there's that "steady stream of consciousness" thing that happens, and so far I've been writing to myself in my journal because it allows me to 1. remember what it is I've thought and felt, 2. work on my censor. Or, rather, to work on not having one.

And yet at the same time, part of me misses the act of blogging personally. I mean I've got my side project for my future webcomic going, and it's great because I've been desperately wanting to get this thing going for almost a year. So in Teresa-land, that means I am meant to make this happen.

I've kept many blogs in the past, going through the phases of LiveJournal, Xanga, AsianAvenue (pre-n00b status, i.e. we had to create the html ourselves to make the site bad-ass), and most recently, MySpace. I've been skirting the blog-o-sphere and letting myself be public again because I've been enjoying the past 2 -3 years of being private. It was a habit that needed practicing because the very fact that I needed so much validity from others to commentate on how my life was going was inevitably leading me to very low morale and self esteem.

And it's average enough, thank you very much. Or better than, I suppose.

So...to give a summary about the things that have happened recently:

I'm finally sticking to a career choice and not putzing around with school anymore. I've picked my focus, which is Arts Practices (meaning that I can pick almost any art classes I want and add up the score at the end to say "I win!" and get my degree). I'm minoring in Psychology and when it's time to get my tucus to grad school, I'll be going into Art Therapy. By the time I'm done with all this I'll be in my 30's, and while some people are grumbling and mumbling about how they wish they could be back in their 20's, I'm looking forward to when the hum drum of school gets left behind. I'll miss it, for sure. And I'll reminisce on bygone days when I was an irresponsible (sort of ) hooligan. But I know I'll be grateful for the present and look onward towards the future.

I'm in a lovely committed relationship with my partner, Noah. Come November we'll have been together for two years. TWO. YEARS. Longest relationship of my life. And his, coincidentally. It's been quite the gender bender since we've gotten together, and I find myself feeling more or less content with my identity and how I sit inside myself as a human. Part of me wants to say I've finally reached my peak and realized that I finally know for me what "queer" means...but I know that it'll turn itself on its head in the future and to that...well, we'll see what happens.

Somewhere in this silly month was mine and my second husband Tim's 5 year anniversary of being besties. (Noah's the first) After being in each others' orbit for this long we finally become roommates. Which was about damn time, in my opinion. Because I'm loving my refurbished family. Two cats, two husbands, and while I'd like to say I'm the ringleader of it all, I prefer to be the one who exists in this strange and adventurous land. I'd give it a title, but I can only call it...This Land. ;)

I'm 23 years old, and while that's decently young part of me feel more than decently seasoned. People say I act like I'm 24 - 25, so I wonder what'll happen when I reach that? Silly business.

Work is steady again, finally. After almost two years of absurdity and bouncing around from job to job I'm ready for some stability. I love my co-workers, my boss is rad, and the hours are where I want them. It also seems like I'm here to stay, so hopefully I won't be looking at potentially getting shafted again. It's been a big fear of mine for a while, but after 6 months I think it's finally time to relax.

I'm currently immersing myself in comic culture, meaning that I'm trying desperately to brush up on my history, learn the ins and outs of "the greats", and in the process create, create, create.

I guess that's it for now. Until next time.